I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
