just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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