true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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