i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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