what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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