i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
