it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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