Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
