We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
