he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
