i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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