my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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