i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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