Little spoons don't ask big questions
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
