You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
