the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
