the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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