I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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