So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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