Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
