Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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