she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
