if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
