dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
