i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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