It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
