we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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