New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
