You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
