I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
