I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
