So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
