i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
