Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
