I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
