Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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