On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He? As in you personified your dick?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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