she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
