you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we made out on top of his cat.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I cut my penus on the lid.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
