Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
