If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
