how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
