Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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