I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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