Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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