you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I hope mine doesn't look like that
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
