anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
