STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
