were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
