Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
