I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
