Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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